Lake Consequence (1993)

Lake Consequence (1993). I remember when Joan Severance was one of the 'new' B-movie girls during the 1990s. It was almost like she was in competition with Shannon Tweed but I think Tweed made double or even triple that of Severance.

I was browsing Netflix this evening and came across a movie that had Joan Severance in it. I had to reminisce. I think I've seen all her movies that mattered...which are those that had her nude in them. You know, the important ones.

Apparently I either missed this one or don't remember it at all. IMDB says it's a TV movie but I'm think it means straight to cable. Interestingly, this movie had a young Billy Zane...which he apparently hasn't had a lot of hair on his head for sometime.

FINAL VERDICT: Anyway, I think you can pass on watching Lake Consequence. If you have the undying desire to watch this, at least you'll get a few chances to see Severance in the buff as well as one other pretty attractive woman.

Take Me Home Tonight (2011)

Take Me Home Tonight (2011). This movie was actually pretty funny. Just like any comedy these days, it had its moments of boredom but overall I think it was worth the watch. I don't know how much of my enjoyment came from the actual movie or the decade it represents. The 80s were an interesting time for weird people, weird games, weird parties, and weird but memorable movies. This movie has Topher Grace (you know Foreman from That 70s Show) as the main character. Michael Biehn (from The Terminator) was his father and Dan Fogler (from ???...Mars Needs Moms...oh yeah, and Fanboys).

Teresa Palmer (most recently from I Am Number Four) is the hot, eye candy that Topher's character is obsessed with. Teresa's pretty hot. She looks a lot different from her roles in a couple of other movies but I would think that had a lot to do with the good costume and make-up design crews. The poofy-banged, heavily-hairsprayed hair has spot on. What's funny to me is that there is a scene where Topher and Teresa end up doing it on a trampoline (Go Topher!). She takes her top off but there is no showing of her hot topless body! Why!? Why, I say!? Especially since #1: there was previously shots of a very still-hot looking Angie Everhart boobs and #2: Teresa showed her boobs...a lot...in the movie Restraint. For one, there was really no need to show Angie's boobs (although I am grateful) but since you started it why not continue with it for Teresa? Tease me much!? For two, Teresa can show her boobies (a lot) in Restraint but now that she's become a little more mainstream with Number Four and Take Me Home she'll no longer show her breasts!? Tease me much more much!?

Oh yeah, Anna Faris was in it too but she didn't have a huge, important part. She was kind of hot looking too even in a homely 80s brunette kind of way.

FINAL VERDICT: Anyway, the movie was worth watching on Netflix and I would even recommend renting it at Blockbuster for $1.99. I feel that my time was not wasted and found it fairly amusing.

King of the Ants (2003)

King of the Ants. I actually saw this movie few months or so ago through my Blockbuster Total Access Plan but I ended up watching a little bit of it on Netflix this past Saturday. It sounded and looked familiar but I had to log onto my computer to verify. Yes, I keep list of all the movies I've seen and approximately when except for the older ones because I didn't start the list until a couple of years ago. I do put in older movies but I just mark them as 'seen' without the 'seen on date.' Yes, I'm nerdy like that.

Anyway, I didn't realize that Kari Wuhrer was in this movie from the first viewing and thought I'd comment. I remember seeing Kari in a few 'B' movies in early the 90s. She was hot in a weird kind of way. She wasn't strikingly beautiful but she was attractive. She was becoming "famous" as like the Shannon Tweed of the 90s (Shannon was the straight-to-video B-movie queen of the late 80s and had some fairly large, natural breasts). Kari on the other hand didn't have these natural breasts. All the movies I remember seeing her in where she got topless, she had some overly stuffed, 'stretched' B-cups. It's almost like she already had the size but they maybe drooped or something because the surgery made them look like perfectly shaped small grapefruits that didn't touch each other. There was a valley that a freight train could drive through.

Anyway, without getting further off topic, after seeing parts of this movie again, I was wondering why she got implants to begin with because her boobs in this movie were fine. They weren't overly perky as with the implants but they were still attractive. I screen capped a NSFW pic here from the movie for reference.

After recent backgrounding on her (hehe, sounds dirty) at IMDB, it turns out she had her implants removed in in 2002 and 'Ants' was made in 2003. Good for her. She looks way better as a naturally boobied woman.

So, the point of the post was to criticize her implants but since she's had them removed what is there to criticize?

As far as the movie, you can pass on it. It wasn't that good even with the very minimal part of Kari showing off her sexy body. The acting sucked! The story line was subpar as well as the videography. George Wendt was probably the biggest name in the movie and it's sad to see that 'Norm' has lowered his standards unless he's made his gazillions and can make whatever the fuck her wants these days. There was a Baldwin boy cast (Daniel) but he's like the one nobody knows other than that he looks like a Baldwin and probably takes the roles his more famous brothers wouldn't take like Don Swayze.

FINAL VERDICT: Don't waste 102 minutes of your life because I have already wasted 204 minutes for you!

Stone (2010)

Stone (2010). This movie is one of the slowest, most boring movies I've seen in a long time. I expected much more with well-known actors such as Robert De Niro, Edward Norton, and Milla Jovovich.

The story line was so sporadic that I didn't know this from that, what really mattered or what the hell the movie was actually about. It was just a miss mash of shit that wasn't even brought together very well. And the ending, what the hell was the significance of the bee noise? I don't know. I actually paid a pretty fair amount of attention to the movie and I guess I missed something somewhere.

On a perverted side note, Milla flashes her boobs a few times on camera. Gotta love her for it but it didn't make the movie any more likable. The wife and I were initially watching this movie together and the first time Milla shows her boobs the wife and I both were like, "What the fuck is wrong with her nipples?" They were enormously long and I actually like Milla's nude body in previous shots but this was just weird. The wife was sickened by the length (LOL). It's kind of like her boobs are like three inches thick (from chest to nipple) and then the nipple is like an inch and a half long. I've uploaded a screen capture of the offending (to some) image. NSFW pic here. Don't get me wrong. I'd still tag Milla with enthusiasm and glee but I'd have to wear protective goggles.

FINAL VERDICT: pass it and warn others to do so as well.