Wrong Side of Town (2010)

Wrong Side of Town (2010). Watched this movie this morning on my sick day off. I have seen it pop up on my Netflix account a few times as a "new arrival," an "action thriller," or whatever. It sort of captured my interest each time I would read the brief synopsis but I would keep on browsing. I eventually put it in my queue and then I decided to watch it today.

I thought I would at least get to see a decent action movie but I was sorely disappointed. This movie was overall pretty lame. It did have action but it was very piss pour, predictable and horribly filmed. It "starred" Rob Van Dam...he was the main character anyway. What's funny is that the movie cover shows Dave Bautista in the center and larger than anyone else. Which would make one think he is the main character. Funny thing is Bautista's cameo isn't until at least 3/4 of the way into the movie and then he is shown briefly for a few other scenes.

For this movie, it's like the writers/directors/producers tried to take the good action flicks as well as the okay action flicks of previous wrestlers/athletes hoping they could produce an okay flick themselves. It really didn't work because even though the wrestlers act for the WWE they aren't really good actors if they're taken out of their comfort environment. Make sense?

With that in mind, Rob Van Dam sucks as an actor. I don't recall ever seeing him in my random viewings of the WWE program on television but he truly was unable to crossover to the big screen. Unlike the likes of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson..okay maybe even John Cena or Steve Austin..Rob Van Dam's movie just wasn't even worth the time and effort it took to make it.

Not even the gratuitous boob shots of Stormy Daniels and a few other girls could move this movie from a 1/2 star to 1 star. And I give the 1/2 star just because of the boob shots and being able to recognize Stormy Daniels!

FINAL VERDICT: You can definitely pass on this movie. You'd probably get more entertainment and value from watching an episode of Teletubbies!

Paranormal Entity (2009), Paranormal Activity 2 (2010), Red State (2011)

Red State

Paranormal Activity 2

Paranormal Entity

What do all these movies have in common?

They sucked! Not just sucked but royally sucked! Out of all three, I'd have to say that Red State was the "best" of them then Paranormal Entity then Paranormal Activity 2.

Red State was directed by Kevin "Silent Bob" Smith, right? So, I expected a little more...I mean not that he's a great director or story writer but I just expected with "experience" comes some sense of quality. It was an interesting concept and it had a few known actors but it was somewhat boring.

The only thing that gave Paranormal Entity any interest was that the movie showed some boobs of the "sister" character in the movie. Other than that, the movie was a complete and utter ripoff of Paranormal Activity. The movie did have a better overall story line even though it generally sucked. Again the only good thing and only difference is that this movie showed boobies. I don't recall boobies in the first Paranormal Activity.

Paranormal Activity 2 was a complete waste of time. For one, I don't even remember how the first one went because it obviously didn't make much of an impression. This one, however, made an impression...one of a total waste of my time, the studio's money and the crews' work. If the running time was like 80 minutes, I'd say that there was 65 mins of very boring shit and 15 mins of boring shit.

FINAL VERDICT: Hard pass on all three!

Limitless (2011)

Limitless (2011). This wasn't too bad of a movie. It sort of reminded me of the movie "Strange Days" with Ralph Fiennes and Angela Bassett albeit not exactly the same concept and all. For me, it just hinted to this movie.

The end was surprising. I didn't expect it to end the way it did but at the same time I didn't pay too much attention to what the movie was about initially. I did watch the movie but I didn't give it my full attention.

It had it's comedic moments as well as excitement and 'danger.' Some parts could have been written differently or edited out completely. Robert De Niro had a fairly minor part but I don't recall any of the advertisements using him as a part of the promotion. I think it was all on Bradley Cooper's shoulders.

FINAL VERDICT: Anyway, the movie wasn't too bad. If you have a cheaply priced Blockbuster or Netflix plan and can get it for about a buck or two, you won't be too disappointed.

Something I did find funny from my visit to get this movie at the brick-and-mortar Blockbuster store is the receipt. I can see one of the many reasons why BB is on harsh times. Look at the size of the printout of my receipt and I didn't even actually 'pay' for the rental at the store. I exchanged my mailer for an in-store rental. I just thought it was fairly ridiculous to get a receipt this long when maybe about 3-4 inches of it contained the pertinent information of the transaction like store address, date, and listing of movie rented. The rest is just useless and wasteful filler.

Oh well...

Hourglass (1996)

Hourglass (1996). This is another one of the many "worst movies I've seen."

One reason the movie sucked: it was edited for content. That's right. I'm watching a movie on Netflix that is dubbed...all the bad words are silenced and all the nudity scenes removed. WTF?

This movie had one of the hottest actresses I've seen (rated by looks not acting skills) in Sofia Shinas. And yet I didn't see a gosh darn shot of her naked body. WTF?

I have know idea how I found this movie or decided to watch it through Netflix but I've become a "random movie watcher" because I want to get all that I can out of my Netflix membership and especially before they raise the prices again. It turns out this movie was directed by C. Thomas Howell as well as "starred" him. I don't know who thought he was a good director or continued to let him direct anything after the few movies I've seen from him but I'm glad it stopped at some point in time. I think this movie went straight to DVD or was made for DVD. Either way, I think they got the USA Network or whatever cable television network version on Netflix instead of the actual unedited movie.

I would love to see the edited sex scenes but I don't think I could sit through the entire movie again! It was very difficult to watch it the first time but I persevered.

FINAL VERDICT: In case you didn't get the hint, DO NOT RENT THIS MOVIE. Again, allow me to waste my 120 minutes so you don't have to!

Country Strong (2010)

Country Strong (2010). I saw this a few days or so ago. Yes, I'm a little late watching this since it came out in 2010. Anyway, I intended to write some interesting things about it but I have since forgotten. There were a couple of lines from the first of the movie that I wanted to post about but I have forgotten what they were and I have already returned the movie.

I would say that I found this movie more entertaining and interesting than Crazy Heart. The ending was kind of predictable because these types of movies go one of two ways: (1) the singer rebounds then lives out their life or (2) they end up dead after that one last fantastic show. So, I will ruin the finale for you and say that the main character in this one was the latter.

FINAL VERDICT: It's worth the $2 rental or even better on Netflix since you pay a flat monthly fee.

The Day the Earth Stopped (2008)

The Day the Earth Stopped (2008). This is a total rip off of all the other "The Day the Earth..." died, stood still and any others like that.

What sucks is this movie sort of started out with so much potential. The "destroyer of earth" in the movie who just happens to be a very hot chick lands on earth and is totally and completely naked walking around the forest for about the first three minutes of the movie. I was thinking, "Damn, this may not suck after all!" Too bad that was the best part of the movie.

The sad thing about this movie is that C. Thomas Howell directed and "starred" in this craptastic version. There was also a brief appearance by Judd Nelson. Judd was billed as "starring" but he has like 5-10 minutes in the very last part of the movie. Poor Pony Boy and John Bender...are they this hard up for cash or to maintain work...because this isn't what I would want to be remembered for.

This movie was worse for C. Thomas Howell because if he wanted to be taken somewhat serious as a director, I'd have to say he failed. Don't get me wrong. I've always like the guy but his attention to detail is way off. Granted there are budgets and shit but this was made in 2008 and I think even something like iMovie could have edited out some of the flawed scenes. I'll just poke fun of a few.

First, this female destroyer lands on Earth naked. She's "saved" by Howell's character because he thinks she's been hurt or something because she's on a highway in the forest naked. He later finds out she's the other alien they've been looking for because they already caught one. Anyway, she's taken back to this makeshift base and clothed. She's wearing white sweatpants, a white wifebeater and a bra. She's a freaking alien for George Lucas's sake. She doesn't need or even care for using a bra! Hell, she's already flashed her boobies so what difference would a bra make anyway!?

Second, there is a part where Howell is relieved of duty because of his insubordination in not wanting to harm the femalien. He leaves the base but comes back because saving her is the right thing to do. He gets back inside the base just as the alien robots send out an EMP, essentially killing anything (which is everything in the world!) that runs on electricity for an uncertain amount of time. He gets the femalien to one of the governmental SUVs and it won't start. DUH! The femalien uses her powers to start the car and they escape. They are driving within the city when Howell decides to stop for some stupid reason in the middle of the street. He is dumbfounded and asks to the femalien, "How did you do that?" I mean really! Who the hell cares!? You escaped be happy and don't ask 'why' or 'how.' Idiot! So before he can get an answer this gun-wielding guy jumps on the hood and tells them to get the hell out of the car because he's carjacking them as they have the only running vehicle in town! The camera angle is behind the carjacker looking through the windshield and somewhat over the vehicle just in time to see a "boys in blue" vehicle pass by in the distance. "Only working vehicle" huh? That's what we call bad editing and as the director, Howell should have seen that.

Third, there is a 'chase' scene within the city near the end of the movie. Yes, after all the electronics have recovered from the EMP. Howell is once again in a hijacked governmental SUV and is being followed by other governmental SUVs. They make the same right turn over about 5-7 mins of run time. You can see the same building, the same fencing, the same road and the same random objects caught in the frame. Yes, it's the reuse of the same clip. The least they could have done was filmed it on a street without distinguishable scenery or props.

FINAL VERDICT: Well, I didn't go into this with high expectations to begin with. I felt like it was going to be a made-for-TV movie on the Sci-Fi channel but those movies are actually better! I mean this was made in 2008 and the technology was still very good with CGI and such that they could have created better footage in some teenage kids garage! If you have Netflix, the best footage of this movie happens in the very beginning with the femalien walking nude in the forest. After that, you can watch if you want as long as your expectations are low...very low.

King of the Ants (2003)

King of the Ants. I actually saw this movie few months or so ago through my Blockbuster Total Access Plan but I ended up watching a little bit of it on Netflix this past Saturday. It sounded and looked familiar but I had to log onto my computer to verify. Yes, I keep list of all the movies I've seen and approximately when except for the older ones because I didn't start the list until a couple of years ago. I do put in older movies but I just mark them as 'seen' without the 'seen on date.' Yes, I'm nerdy like that.

Anyway, I didn't realize that Kari Wuhrer was in this movie from the first viewing and thought I'd comment. I remember seeing Kari in a few 'B' movies in early the 90s. She was hot in a weird kind of way. She wasn't strikingly beautiful but she was attractive. She was becoming "famous" as like the Shannon Tweed of the 90s (Shannon was the straight-to-video B-movie queen of the late 80s and had some fairly large, natural breasts). Kari on the other hand didn't have these natural breasts. All the movies I remember seeing her in where she got topless, she had some overly stuffed, 'stretched' B-cups. It's almost like she already had the size but they maybe drooped or something because the surgery made them look like perfectly shaped small grapefruits that didn't touch each other. There was a valley that a freight train could drive through.

Anyway, without getting further off topic, after seeing parts of this movie again, I was wondering why she got implants to begin with because her boobs in this movie were fine. They weren't overly perky as with the implants but they were still attractive. I screen capped a NSFW pic here from the movie for reference.

After recent backgrounding on her (hehe, sounds dirty) at IMDB, it turns out she had her implants removed in in 2002 and 'Ants' was made in 2003. Good for her. She looks way better as a naturally boobied woman.

So, the point of the post was to criticize her implants but since she's had them removed what is there to criticize?

As far as the movie, you can pass on it. It wasn't that good even with the very minimal part of Kari showing off her sexy body. The acting sucked! The story line was subpar as well as the videography. George Wendt was probably the biggest name in the movie and it's sad to see that 'Norm' has lowered his standards unless he's made his gazillions and can make whatever the fuck her wants these days. There was a Baldwin boy cast (Daniel) but he's like the one nobody knows other than that he looks like a Baldwin and probably takes the roles his more famous brothers wouldn't take like Don Swayze.

FINAL VERDICT: Don't waste 102 minutes of your life because I have already wasted 204 minutes for you!